Last week I received a ‘friend request’ from a person I’d never met. I accepted. Because I’m a nice person. This man then wrote to me that he really liked a photo of me and listed the first reason for enjoying it as the passivity I was displaying. This is not the first email I’ve received of this sort. 

Nearly regularly these kinds of messages come in. In general, I try to stay nice. Sometimes this removed kindness agitates these men, who will then berate me with emails about how I ‘Have no sense of humor’ about their insensitive and often offensive attempts at luring me into their lives.

Most peculiar is that these men see a photo or two and think they would know another person. That some how this photo is some kind of sign to them. That 140 characters sums up the entirety of my existence and/or that each of those characters is always meant just for them. Their idealization of the kind of woman they want invades and each time they unleash on me the disappointment that I am a woman with a mind and a voice. A woman that rejects these lures veiled as compliments.

Those men call me ungrateful for their words, and I am. I will never be grateful that a person would see a photo of me and see only what they wanted – instead of seeing me as I am. 

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